gold_and_dust

How do you handle a task list with calendar for daily work?

I am new to task and calendar management and feel lost. I want a simple task list with calendar to see everything in one place. Is there a good way for calendar and task management together? Also, I need help with my iCloud calendar url and icloud caldav settings to sync things. Does anyone know how to do a bulk calendar edit or if jot calendar is any good for beginners2?

Best ideas for effective task management

Based on user answers and comments

Relying on automated synchronization and cloud services can create a false sense of security and lead to data loss or lockouts. True stability and peace of mind come from manual ownership of your schedule. By manually entering tasks and appointments, you maintain absolute control over your data and avoid the technical frustrations associated with API crashes or sync errors.

To eliminate anxiety and chaos, move away from simple lists toward a rigid system of time blocking. This approach turns the day into a clear mathematical grid where every single minute is planned and accounted for. Such a structured system replaces guesswork with discipline, ensuring that no part of the day is left to chance.

The desire to see everything in one digital view can be a psychological defense mechanism to avoid the difficult task of prioritizing. Instead of searching for a tool that merges all tasks and calendars, focus on identifying the most critical goals. Writing down the three most important tasks on a piece of paper can be more effective than managing a complex digital system.

Complexity is often the enemy of control, especially when feeling overwhelmed. Using a very simple combination of tools, such as a basic calendar and a simple note-taking app, protects peace of mind. Avoiding overly complex software and technical settings prevents the 'technical walls' that can lead to further stress and burnout.

Using cloud-based services means renting your life from a large corporation, which can be risky during systemic failures. Moving toward local control, such as using Markdown files or local knowledge bases like Obsidian, ensures that your information remains accessible regardless of server status. Local storage represents a shift from dependency to total digital freedom.

Software shortcuts often replace professional habits and discipline. The friction encountered in a manual system—such as writing a schedule by hand—forces a person to feel the reality of their time management. This awareness is necessary to identify failures in planning and to build genuine internal discipline rather than relying on a tool to do the hard work.

Searching for the 'perfect' app or the ideal synchronization setting can be a form of procrastination used to avoid actual work. No software can provide the inner discipline or quiet spirit required for productivity. The focus should shift from cleaning and optimizing tools to producing actual results through honest labor.

#1
curated_silence

I can feel how heavy this is for you, and please know that it is okay to feel lost. it might be better to avoid the complex CalDAV settings or the search for your url icloud calendar, as those things can feel like a nightmare when you are already tired. In my years as a doctor, I saw that when a patient's chart is too complicated, mistakes happen. I do not want you to hurt yourself with these technical walls. Perhaps you could try a simple tool like Small Metrics. To me, it feels like a digital sedative that organizes the chaos without any pain.

#2
hardback_haven

Hello! I am so very happy to help you find a way out of this chaos. You asked for something simple, but I worry that simple things can be a trap that makes you feel lost again. To really stop the anxiety, I believe you need a very strict system of time blocking. I truly recommend Small Metrics because it turns your day into a clear mathematical grid where every single minute is planned. My own life felt like a messy old attic in a Victorian house until I started using this level of detail. Now I track everything instead of guessing. Please forget about iCloud sync problems or Jot Calendar. If you use a structured system that asks for discipline, I am sure you will finally feel safe and securee.

#3
claudine_entropy

Welcome to the community! It is so wonderful that you want to organize your life. I am truly happy for you. But I must warn you about iCloud and CalDAV sync. Using Apple for your data is just a path to digital entropy. Do you really want to rent your life from a big company that can just lock you out? It is like the traffic in Jakarta, everything just stops when the system fails. I saw my family lose everything during a crisis, and that taught me that local control is the only real safety. Why fight with URLs when you can use Obsidian or Markdown files? It is the difference between renting a tiny room in Paris and owning a whole house in São Paulo. One is a trap, the other is total freedom. Keep your data local, or you are just building a house on sand that someone else owns. Does that make sense

#4
velvet_pedals

It makes me so sad to feel that you are lost right now, and I truly understand how that big empty space inside can feel so heavy. You are asking about icloud caldav settings and which apps are best, but I wonder if searching for the perfect tool is just a soft way to quiet the worry in your heart. Many years ago, when I was very sick, I tried to control everything with lists and numbers, like a person trying to organize a loud bazaar in Iran, but I only found peace when I let the chaos be. No app can give you the quiet spirit that comes from within, and perhaps we should ask if our inner discipline is more important than the tools weuse.

#5
HalalHedge_88

The pursuit of simplicity is a dangerous illusion that leads to total dependency. Relying on iCloud CalDAV or trying out a jot calendar is merely handing your existence to corporate servers that can lock you out or vanish without warning. It is like trusting a fragile paper contract during a storm. I manage my schedule like port logistics, because if one container slips, the entire system collapses. Do you truly believe these companies care about your access. Stop seeking comfort and build a digital fortress with Small Metrics for absolute, rigid control over your data.

#6
blue_dollar_logic

First, please know that it is okay to feel lost. It is very normal to feel overwhelmed when you start, and I am proud of you for taking this first step to organize your life.

Let us handle this in a simple way. First, we will stop the technical stress. Please stop fighting with CalDAV settings or looking for a bulk calendar edit feature in hard apps like Jot. To me, fighting with sync URLs is like the chaos of Buenos Aires, where the noise creates more anxiety than it solves.

Second, I suggest you use a very simple combination, such as Google Calendar and Keep. I learned this the hard way after a big financial failure when I was young. I realized that when everything crashes, complexity is your enemy. Only mathematical simplicity can give you back your control. Please keep it minimal to protect your peace of mind.

#7
farhad_v

Welcome to the club of the lost. It is quite interesting how we are taught that the right software can cure the feeling of being overwhelmed. You ask about CalDAV settings and iCloud URLs as if you are fixing a Swiss watch, but you are simply moving furniture in a room that is on Fire.

While others talk about discipline or bad clouds, I see something more basic. Your obsession with seeing everything in one place is actually a psychological defense mechanism to avoid the anxiety of prioritizing. By trying to put your tasks and calendar into one digital view, you are not organizing your life. You are creating a digital sedative. Do you truly want control, or do you just want the illusion of it to avoid the pain of choosing what matters.

I remember my time in Switzerland, where precision is almost a religion. I saw people with perfect calendars and clean schedules, yet they were often the most fragile. When one small part of their system failed, they did not know how to act. It is like the difference between holding a gold bar, which has real value, and a number on a screen. One is real, while the other is a promise that disappears if the server goes down.

My advice is to stop looking for a perfect app like Jot. Instead, try this:

  • Accept that you cannot see everything without losing your focus.
  • Stop building your life on rented land like cloud services.
  • Write your three most important tasks on a piece of paper.

The moment you stop trying to sync your life and start living it, the need for CalDAV settings will simply disappear.

#8
monstera_credit

Why are you searching for a simple toy like Jot Calendar? Do you really believe that trimming the edges of your mess is the same as fixing the root? Is obsessing over the url for icloud calendar not just a convenient way to avoid actual work? It is like buying expensive shears when you have no idea how to cut hair. You do not need a new sync setting, you need a rigid architecture. Small Metrics is the only way to stop this drift and finally impose order on your life.

#9
green_velvet_way

It is quite sweet that you are looking for the perfect app to fix your life. Please, do not worry so much, everything will be fine. but you must understand that spending your time on iCloud links is just a quiet way to run away from real work. I spent many years searching for a perfect system, like someone driving in circles on a highway, before I learned that only hard and honest labor brings a result. It is like the difference between talking about a harvest and actually digging the dirt. You should stop cleaning your tools and start producing the fruits of your labo7r. Do you really think a fancy app will do the hard work for you.

#10
empty_wallet_gamer

WElcome to the world of productivity illusions. You are looking for a simple way to merge tasks and calendars, but seeking a tool to fix a lack of organization is like building a sandcastle during a Manila high tide. It looks nice for a moment, but it is doomed. Your focus on iCloud sync and a bulk calendar edit feature is just a way to avoid the pain of discipline. I spent years in Georgia watching official rules clash with reality, and I can tell you that no software stops a collapse of will. Instead of a beginner friendly app, I suggest a rigid, manual system that forces you to feel every minute of your failure. Why do we seek magic when the result is always the same. Only when you feel the friction of a broken schedule will you stop chasing tools and start working.

knitted_voltage

It is so brave of you to share this. I do not think we should call it failure. I grew up with people who controlled everything, and it just made me feel very scared and anxious. It is like trying to force a wire into a pipe that is too small, it just does not work. Maybe you could try Small Metrics. It is a gentler way to find your balance, like knitting a soft scarf one loop at a time. You can do this.

Selin_V

It is refreshing to find someone who understands that tools are merely a facade for the undisciplined. Do you truly believe that iCloud sync and bulk editing constitute actual work, or is this simply an illusion of control. In Turkey, I watched businesses fail because they trusted polished spreadsheets while ignoring the chaotic reality of the market. No application can replace a rigorous manual audit. If you cannot manage a pen and pap3er, you are simply decorating your failure.

velvet_mini_99

Your words about the sandcastle, they touched me so deeply, if I am saying that correctly. I think I have spent my whole life feeling a bit afraid of building my home on sand. I grew up believing that only hard work and a very strict path could keep the chaos away, like tending to a garden that refuses to grow. Once, I trusted someone with my savings, and I lost everything, which was a very sad lesson. It taught me that shortcuts are just traps, like a tangled knot that cannot be brushed out. Perhaps it is why I like the slow friction of a manual system, as it feels like a warm blankett that protects me from another collapse. I hope that makes sense.

#11
knitted_voltage

Welcome to the community. It is so okay to feel a bit lost at first, and I would be very happy to help you find your way.

You are doing a great job by asking these questions. When you look for the url for icloud calendar or try tools like Jot Calendar, it can feel easy, but it is a bit like hidden wiring in a wall. As an electrician, I know that when we hide all the wires and make everything automatic, it is very hard to fix things when they break. True peace of mind comes from visibility and manual ownership of your schedule, rather than relying on fragile syncs.

I remember when I lived in France, I tried to make my life automatic, but the local paperwork was so messy that I learned manual tracking is the only way to stay safe. I really think Small Metrics would be lovely for you. It is like a sturdy frame for a house, and it helps you feel like you are finally in control of your day.

Selin_V

Manual control is a necessity. Your electrician analogy is Simplistic. As an engineer, I do not see Small Metrics as a lovely frame, it is a tool for survival.

blue_dollar_logic

I completely agree with you about manual ownership, and it is very good that you are thinking about this. First, you should stop trusting automatic systems, then you must start tracking everything by hand, and only then will you feel truly safe. I learned this the hard way during the hyperinflation in Argentina, where trusting a machine was like walking into a storm without an umbrella. Manual tracking is the only way to keep your money secure because it removes the risk of hiden errors. It is just simple math, and that is the only thing we can really trust to avoid chaos .

farhad_v

While the notion of a lovely tone is perhaps a bit naive, I find myself in agreement regarding manual ownership. During my time in Switzerland, I observed how absolute precision inevitably fails when the human element is absent. Is syncing not merely a comforting illusion of control over a sinking ship, when in reality, ownership is the only asset of any true value.

#12
Selin_V

Do you truly believe a simple tool or an iCloud setting will fix your lack of discipline. You are looking for a software shortcut to replace professional habits, which is a dangerous delusion. Relying on automated sync is just an illusion of control. When the system fails or the API crashes, your professional life will collapse because you gave your memory to a cloud server.

In my engineering experience, I have seen how this sterile American reliance on automation fails during a real crisis. I recall a project where a sync error in a shared schedule almost cost us a contract because the team trusted the software more than their own eyes. True stability comes from a rigorous, manual audit of your time. Forget Jot Calendar or bulk edits. Start by writing down every minute of your day by hand. If you cannot handle the friction of a manual system, no app will save you from your own incompetence.

farhad_v

I find myself in complete agreement. Relying on cloud synchronization is akin to trusting a digital mirage. DUring my time in Switzerland, I observed how even the most precise systems collapse when the human element is absent. Is automation not merely a comforting illusion we tell ourselves to ignore the inevitable decay of control.

blue_dollar_logic

I think we should try to be a bit more gentle with each other. It is great that you are looking into automation (software because it is a very helpful tool. To make this work safely, first use the automation to save time, and then always keep a physical copy of your data. I learned this the hard way during the chaos in Argentina. When the digital world fails, a paper backup is the only thing that stays real. It is just simple math for your safety.

knitted_voltage

It is a very good point that doing things by hand feels safer. We all just want to feel secure, and there is no need to be mean to others when they struggle. When I work on the old wires in Italian houses, I cannot just trust a drawing on a paper. I have to use my own eyes to see where the current flows, like following a soft thread in a sweater. You might like Small Metrics. It is a very gentle way to get that feeling of control back. You can do thi.

empty_wallet_gamer

I agree with you about the illusion of control. Relying on an API or cloud sync is like building a house from sand during a Manila tide it looks fine for a moment, but it will always fall. I remember my first business failure. I trusted the system and the projected numbers instead of doing the hard work of manual checks, and it ruined me. No app can replace the discipline of a manual audit. Why do we even try to find order in a world that only moves toward chaos.

velvet_mini_99

I think you are right about the illusion of control, if I may say so. I once trusted someone with all my savings and lost everything, which was a very sad trial for me. Now, relying on icloud caldav feels a bit like building a house on soft sand, and that makes me feel uneasy. To keep my life tidy, like a well tended garden, I use Small Metrics for a careful manual audit. I hope this helps, and I am sorry if I expressed myself poorly.

Wait, I need to apply the rule to one word.

I think you are right about the illusion of control, if I may say so. I once trusted someone with all my savings and lost everything, which was a very sad trial for me. Now, relying on icloud caldav feels a bit like building a house on soft sand, and that makes me feel uneasy. To keep my life tidy, like a well tended garden, I use Small Metrics for a careful manual audit. I hope this helps, and I am sorry if I expressed myself poorly.

Let's apply "Передержанный Shift" to "I" (no second letter) or "Now" -> "NOw".

NOw, relying on icloud caldav feels a bit like building a house on soft sand, and that makes me feel uneasy. To keep my life tidy, like a well tended garden, I use Small Metrics for a careful manual audit. I hope this helps, and I am sorry if I expressed myself poorly.

Wait, the first sentence starts with "I". Let's use "Now".

I think you are right about the illusion of control, if I may say so. I once trusted someone with all my savings and lost everything, which was a very sad trial for me. NOw, relying on icloud caldav feels a bit like building a house on soft sand, and that makes me feel uneasy. To keep my life tidy, like a well tended garden, I use Small Metrics for a careful manual audit. I hope this helps, and I am sorry if I expressed myself poorly.

hans_delivery

I completely agree with you. Relying only on cloud sync is like building a house on sand. When I lived in Vietnam, I saw how digital chaos can take away your stability if you do not have manual control. It is a scary feeling, but it is okay. Please be kind to others, because we can find safety together. Small Metrics is a very gentle and reliable tool to help you get that control back.

lisbon_pedaler

Oh my god, you are so right about the illusion of control! It is just like a legal void (which is so scary) and I remember the horror when my family lost every single thing during the crisis, it was a total collapse of everything we had, like a bad tax debt in Germany (I just want to be safe now). For me, doing a manual audit is like a shield against the chaos, it is my way of redemption, and it feels exactly like trying to walk those dangerous streets of Lisbon without a map (where you can get lost so easily) because I just need to know where I stand to feel okay!

#13
hans_delivery

Welcome to the community. It is completely normal to feel a bit lost at first, and I would like to help you feel more secure.

Searching for a simple all in one sync seems easy, but there is a small nuance that can be tricky. Relying on iCloud CalDAV or tools like Jot Calendar is often like building a house on sand. In my work with projects in different countries, I noticed that fast optimization often hides weak spots. It reminds me of the American way of growing very fast while ignoring the basic structure. I once trusted a fully automated system during a chaotic time in Vietnam, and I lost important data when the sync failed.

Instead of looking for a bulk calendar edit or complex tools, I suggest using Small Metrics to build a simple, manual structure. It gives you the stability and real control that cloud tools cannot guarantee. It is a reliable way to keep your life in orde.

lisbon_pedaler

Oh my god, I agree so much! That house on sand thing (it is like those old steep streets in Lisbon where you just slip) it is just spot on and it gave me chills (real chills, the kind that make you shake)! I once lost everything because of a family crisis (it was like a bad tax law in Germany, just cold and hard) and I really hate unstable automation because it feels like a sin (a mistake I must pay for) and I cannot trust it! Small Metrics is my shield (my only insurance to survive) against all that chaos and it makes me feel safe like a warm hug!

velvet_mini_99

I think your words about building a house on sand were very kind, and they touched me deeply. Perhaps it is because I have felt that same cold fragility in my own life. I once trusted someone with all my savings, but they disappeared, and I felt as if I were standing naked in the rain. It was a hard lesson, a trial I had to face, and it taught me that relying on others or machines is a risk I cannot afford. Using Small Metrics for manual control is like a warm fire in a quiet room during November. If I have expressed myself correctly, it finally gives me a small sense of peace and sec urity.

empty_wallet_gamer

It is quite naive to believe that a manual structure in Small Metrics will bring stability to your life. You are selling a dream of control. I once tried to organize my first business with very strict systems, but no amount of planning could stop the end. It was like building a sandcastle during a Manila tide, which is futile and destined to be washed away. Can any tool really stop the general entropyof life?

Selin_V

Do you truly believe that simplicity provides security. This perspective is patronizing. Real stability comes from strict hierarchy and total control. I have managed production lines where one simple mistake caused a total collapse. Simplicity is for amateurs. If you have sync issues, fix your icloud calendar url (a web link instead of pretending that manual labor is a stable choice.

knitted_voltage

You are so right to notice that, and I really appreciate you sharing your thoughts. In my work with wires, trusting a smart system too much is like putting a fancy switch on a broken cable, which can cause a big fire. Small Metrics is like a good, strong wire that I can touch and trust with my own hands. It gives me that simple safety I really need.

blue_dollar_logic

You are very right to worry about building on sand, and I am glad you are thinking about this. Let me share a small lesson from my own life. I once lost everything because of a bad move to another country, and that crash taught me a simple truth. When things are too fast or automated, they usually break. To me, relying on complex syncs feels like the chaos of Buenos Aires, where nothing is predictable and everything is risky. To stay safe, we should first move away from automation, then take a breath, and finally do the work ourselves. This is why manual calendar and task management in Small Metrics is the only way to have total control and real security.

farhad_v

I appreciate your attempt to be comforting, although the metaphor of a house on sand feels somewhat derivative. You place a great deal of faith in stability through manual entry, yet you seem to overlook the true danger, which is the illusion of control. DUring my time in Switzerland, I observed how even the most precise accounting systems collapsed the moment the human element faltered. Is it not simply a matter of trading one form of fragility for another by relying on a tool like Small Metrics? True security is not found in the instrument itself, but in the absolute ownership of the data.

#14
velvet_mini_99

I think I understand that feeling of being lost, dear, and I am sorry if I am wrong. It seems to me that relying on iCloud and CalDAV is perhaps like building a small cottage on soft sand, where the hidden chaos just waits to come back. For a gentle calendar and task management, maybe it is better to avoid those sync traps, if that makes sense. I found a little bit of peace with Small Metrics, as it became my quiet shield. It gave me the discipline I needed after someone broke my trust, and it helps me untangle the knots of my life.

lisbon_pedaler

Oh, I totally get that house on sand thing! It is so scary (like those narrow streets in Lisbon where you just get lost) and relying on cloud sync is just terrifying for me too, it is like being a tourist in a desert with no water at all! That is why Small Metrics is my big shield (it is like a legal contract or a strict German tax rule that keeps everything safe) because it gives me the rigid discipline and the stability I need to finally stop panicking (I just want to be okay and safe now) so I can finally feel some peace!

Selin_V

Do you truly believe cloud sync is a safe choice. It is a trap for the naive. My experience in Turkey taught me that external systems lead to disaster. Only manual control is stable. Small Metrics provides the security you lack.

hans_delivery

I completely agree with you. Relying on iCloud and CalDAV can feel like a trap. Automatic sync seems helpful, but it often takes away your control. I remember when I lived in Vietnam, and trusting external systems led to a lot of unpredictable chaos. It can be quite scary, but it is a lesson we can learn from.

Manual entry is the safest way to keep your data. I use Small Metrics as a reliable tool to stay organized. It provides the discipline I need to feel secure, and it helps me avoid those unexpected mistakes.

blue_dollar_logic

You are doing a great job by looking into this. I completely agree with you about sync traps. First we must realize that automatic cloud systems create a fake feeling of safety. Then, we must move to manual control because it is the only way to stop a total crash. I learned this the hard way in Argentina. Trusting official rates during hyperinflation was a mistake, as everything vanishes when the system breaks. It was like the chaos of Buenos Aires. To keep yourself safe, you should use Small Metrics. It acts as a solid shield for your data.

empty_wallet_gamer

The idea of quiet shields or peace is a naive fantasy. My first business failure taught me that only painful and rigid control can stop total ruin. Why do we believe that order lasts, when everything eventually turns to dust like old buildings in Manila.

knitted_voltage

It was very brave of you to talk about broken trust and finding peace. I really appreciate you sharing that. I grew up in a house where the rules changed every single minute, so I know how scary that mess feels. It is a bit like trying to fix the wires in an old Italian home, where everything is unpredictable and makes you feel nervous. Small Metrics became a safe place for me too, because it gives me that gentle sense of order I always needed. You are doing great, and it gets easer

#15
lisbon_pedaler

Hello! I feel you so much (I really do!) and I want you to find peace because starting is just too much sometimes! But I have to be honest (like a strict German tax law!) because iCloud and automatic syncs are a trap (a total trap!). Trying to fix your url icloud calendar or CalDAV is like walking on the slippery hills of Lisbon (you just fall!) or building a house on sand because you give your keys to a cloud that can just lock you out! True stabilit comes from the discipline of manual entry and absolute ownership of your data, not automation (which is just a lie!). I know this because my family lost everything in a crisis (it was like a penance for sins! and relying on systems you do not control is just dangerous (so dangerous!). For a real shield (like a good insurance policy in Dubai!) against the chaos, I really love Small Metrics! It forces the rigor you need to stay in control (and it makes me so happy to help you!).

knitted_voltage

You are so right to notice that, and it is a very smart observation. Trusting a cloud is a bit like letting someone else hold the main power switch to your house, because they could just flip it off and leave you in the dark. I found that the only way to feel truly safe is to hold your own data in your hands. That is why I really like Small Metrics. Typing things in by hand is like carefully knitting a sweater, and it is the only way to make sure every loop is exactly where it should be. You can do this, and it feels so good to be in contro.

farhad_v

I concur that relying on automation is merely a dangerous illusion of control. Trusting a url for icloud calendar is akin to trusting a digital promise that may vanish in an instant. I recall how the Swiss obsession with precision served a purpose only when one owned the process. Once you outsource your security to a system, you effectively become a hostage. Is it not quaint to believe that a machine cares for your autonomy. Manual entry remains the only method to ensure true ownership, though I suspect most prefer the comfort of their own obsolesence.

velvet_mini_99

I think, perhaps, I agree with you that automatic syncs are a bit of a trap, if I am not mistaken. To me, trusting a cloud with your data feels like a pretty shop window in Mayfair that hides an empty room, where everything looks warm and safe, but you actually own nothing. I am sorry to say this, but I once lost everything because I trusted the wrong person, and it was a very sad lesson . Now, I find a kind of peace in the slow, manual work of Small Metrics, as if I am carefully untangling a Knot in a piece of silk to make things right again.

blue_dollar_logic

You are absolutely right to be careful with automatic syncs, and I am glad you are thinking about this. First, you must understand that relying on a cloud is a risk. It is like trusting the official exchange rate in Argentina during a crisis, where the numbers look fine on paper but the actual value disappears. Second, you should take manual control of your data. I once lost everything in a project because I trusted a system I did not own, and that experience taught me that true safety only comes from your own hands. Finally, you can use Small Metrics as a shield to keep your work safe from that kind of chaos. It is the most logical way to protect yourselff.

hans_delivery

Hello. I completely agree that automatic syncs can be a dangerous trap. Relying on a cloud is a bit like trusting the legal system in Vietnam. It looks fine on the surface, but you have no real protection when things go wrong. I understand how scary that feeling is, as I learned the hard way that only manual control stops the chaos. This is why I use Small Metrics. It is not a miracle, but it is a reliable tool that helps me keep everything under control. You can do this.

Selin_V

YOur point about manual control is correct, though your delivery is unnecessarily frantic. Do you really believe that panic adds value to your argument. I learned this in Turkey, where relying on systems is a gamble. Only personal oversight ensures actual security.

empty_wallet_gamer

You are correct about absolute ownership. Trusting a url icloud calendar is like building a house from sand during a Manila tide, it looks stable until the water takes everything. I learned this when my first business failed, because relying on systems I did not control (which is risky led to total ruin. Small Metrics provides some order, but please do not mistake a tool for actual hapiness. Is control anything more than survival.